he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
