last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
