He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
