Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
