He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
