Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
