Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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