people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
