He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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