Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
