How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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