help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
