I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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