Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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