thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
