He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
