Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
