Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
