I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
