I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
