Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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