So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
