I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
