i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
