I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
