I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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