Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am naked and annoyed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
