the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
