I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
