That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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