I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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