Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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