I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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