reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
