Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
