shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
