Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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