That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
