Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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