I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
