Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
