Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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