She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
