best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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