This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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