Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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