Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
