Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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