Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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