dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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