Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize