I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
