But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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