Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
