I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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