He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
