Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize