Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
as a side note pls kill me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
