Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize