No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
