I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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