Michael Bay diarrhea
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
