Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
