Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
