I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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