Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
